I cant take it any more!

Dear God, if it is in your will, would you turn this crappy dial up connection into a high speed connection. I've tried everything.
I even conspired with the kids to move. I cant take it any longer!
You have to help me! I know you have a lot on your plate, what with all the war, hatred, death, deceit, and other miracle requests, not to mention selfishness and stupidity. I know that this is perhaps lower on your priority list, but if I dont get high speed I'm gonna go craZY....I cant take it any longer! If I had High speed, I could waste more time in less time and then I would have more time to complain about other, less important issues.
dw