Thanks Friend

Thank you friend for your kind words.
You really encourage me.

I've always wanted to write a book or something.
My mom told me to start keeping a diary so the blog is it.
I hate reading but I love stories.

Friend, watch out for people like me that appear to have it all together.
The truth is I dont't. I struggle with lots of stuff.
I have really been trying to grow up, what with my language and thought and stuff.
I struggle with my righteousness vs my humanity.
I've seen stuff and I've done stuff that I am not really proud of.
I am working on my language right now. I am working on my temper.
I am working on my understanding. I'm working on my various addictions that keep me going back to where I dont want to be. I have tons of pride and it makes me not think clearly.
I am quick to offer advice, but not take advice. I find myself lying, when the truth would be better. I feel like Paul in Romans sometimes.

I am studying to be a pastor. If I was a real pastor I could tell you the chapter and verse, but I'm just a wanna be with a heart for God. Go to Romans and read what Paul has to say about sin. Maybe you can tell me the chapter verse. I so identifiy with him. The thing I want to do I do not do, and the things I should not do, I do. Its so confusing.

I keep thinking that by the time I become a pastor I'll have it all together. For some reason God keeps tugging at my heart. He keeps beckoning me to do stuff and I feel powerless to say no. I should maybe tell some of those tales on my blog. When I look back, I can see Gods hand on me even though I am a broken vessal. I take great heart when I see some of the other people God has called. I'm part of Gods ragtag army of misfits. I cry out to Him to help me get Holy, but its a hard road.

Hanni you may recognize things that I am saying in yourself. Someday, people are going to say to you, "you are so cool". You really have it together. Its at that moment when you will think about your past and some of your deep thoughts and probably come to the same realization as me. The only real goodness that is in me, is that which God has put in me.
As you said, the line was drawn in the sand. So what side are we on?

I hope you dont mind if I pray for you.

Dear God. Thank you that You keep calling people like my friend.
Thank you Lord that you have revealled Yourself to her.
Lord I pray that You would continue to walk with her.
Lord, no doubt she has some stuff she is not proud of.
No doubt, Your Love and desire for Her will cause her to work through some tough stuff.
I thank You Lord that You have always stood by me, and I pray that You would do the same for Her and so many others. Lord I have been reading about how Moses continually petitioned to You with regards to his people. I'm certainly not Moses Lord, but, Father I pray that You would hear my prayer and that You would bless Hanni. Make her to be a golden lampstand. Fill Her with Your Holy Spirit and give her the strength it takes to live in this messed up world. In the quitness of Her heart, would You fill her with a real sense of Your presence. I pray for this in and through the name of Jesus.
amen