Introspection...part 49

Even when I'm good I'm bad. I try so hard to do right and end up being self righteous. I like to think that I can fly in and save the day with some contrived wisdom and then gloat about how righteous I was to help. We are a sorry lot when we then take the person we've helped and try to make them into some poster child for our own righteous cause. Of course its natural to want to have a real life "champion for the cause" that I can gloat about as I'm trying to convince fellow friends about how great a christian I am. Like this time I went to see Allison Krauss and Union Station. Sue and I had awesome seats for a really great performance. Afterwards we got the opportunity to hang with the band. Oliver, the mandolin player in my band Wanker Deluxe made a mandolin for Dan Tyminsky, the mandolin player for Union Station. While I was standing talking to Don Block, the banjo player, a street person came up to me and asked for some money. Self righteously I reached into my pocket and gave the guy some money. We then continued our conversation about how much we loved the Lord and how we were great christians. So this same street person comes back to me and says again "please sir could I have some more" I boldly say "I've given you all I can give, now scram" We went back to our conversation about how wonderful it was to be christian. I look back on that day with great embarrasement. I should really try to contact this Don Block guy from the band and tell him I was wrong. I wonder if he even noticed? Oh my, perhaps he is as self centered and self righteous as I am. This is but one example. So tonight after Alpha when Mary Ellen, Ellen and I were leaving, an obviously drunk person says " can I talk to you guys for a minute. We said sure. We talked for a while. It was clearly evident by what he said that he was at the bottom. He needed something in his life that could bring positive change. By things he said, he has been around the block a few times. We had a great talk and when we left I musta made a strange look, probably a self righteous look, or a "look how great we are" look. Any way he saw it and called me on it. Of course I was oblivious to the fact that I had done such a thing. It got me to thinking. Perhaps I didnt make that look and he is self conscious. But what if I did make that "smug look" and didnt even realize it. Holy Cow, I could be more sick than I thought I was. Anyway, I told him I didnt mean to make any looks and I apologized if he thought I did. I got in my car and left. When I got around the block I began to pray for him and realized.....I didnt know his name. See thats what I mean. I felt good inside for having talked to him about hope and faith in Christ,and, when I was busy feeling good about what I was doing, I forgot to even ask his name. Or maybe he told me and I brushed it off saying in my head..Ya whatever. So anyway how could I pray for him? Make up a name? Uh Ya Lord That Guy.....? No...........I turned around and went back. I pulled up the the patio and yelled to him...."hey buddy". I heard a quiet voice..."hey its that guy again". So buddy came out and I said....Hey I dont even know your name. Tell me your name. He said Paul. I said thanks Paul. He said "funny you should turn and come back....we are still talking about the stuff you said. His buddy said...OK, If you can tell me how the universe was created, I'll join your church.HHHHMMMM....what and become like me?

Lord God please forgive me. PLease forgive me for my self righteousness. PLease forgive me when I start thinking its about me and my clever words. Lord God I am humbled when I consider my faults and consider Your magnificence. Lord God would you be with Paul this evening. Would you give him the desire to seek You and the assurance that You are there. Lord God, I promise not to use Him as my poster child when You heal him and tranform his life. Lord God, help me to know my place and give me wisdom to avoid the pitfalls. In Jesus name I pray.