Coping with Grief

Well its been quite a roller coaster ride. During all this, I lost my cell phone and I lost my wallet. I lost my paperwork for my passport and I dont know where I put the papers to transfer my bus. I didnt eat for a couple of days and my feet gave out on my leaving me sprawled on the floor. I didnt sleep for a couple of days either. I toss and turn at night because I cant stand being away from my wife. I have no interest in getting up in the morning and my eyes are sore from crying. On the way home from work yesterday I was trying hear her voice in my head. I could hear the words she often spoke, but it was in my head and in my voice. I strained to remember her voice and when I couldnt I did the only thing I could...I cried. I have a hard time in my car because I spend 3 hours a day there.....alone with my thoughts and memories.

Well I went and bought a new cell phone. I found my wallet behind my dresser. I found my paperwork behind the seat in my car. I am eating even though I dont have an appetite. I am sleeping...kinda. I have decided not to hurt myself anymore trying to remember her voice. Remembering the words she spoke and the love in which she spoke them will have to be good enough. I will just keep crying in my car until all my tears are gone.

We have had an outpouring of love from our family, freinds and church family. People have been sharing their tradgedies with us. We are not alone. We have each other and we have faith. We are happy people and always try to be postive. I am so blessed.

I owe my mother in law a debt of gratitude. She was everything I hope and pray that my daughter might become. She made my wife especially for me and she poured into her great love, knowledge and compassion. She was special. She was the glue that not only kept her family together, but all of ours as well. She always knew the right things to do. She had a cure for everything. She was an amazing woman and I have to repeat how blessed I was to be her son in law.

I heard from Sue yesterday and it looks like she will stay at least another week. I cant wait to hold her again.