A Great Mystery

As a christian, I always ended up asking myself if a person was saved, or not saved. If I didnt ask, someone else would. It goes soemthing like this.....Hey I met a nice girl last night.....drum roll....."Is she christian?" I remember when I came home and told my parents that I had met a girl..."is she christian?", I said..I dunno. I was reminded of unequal yoke teachings in the bible and was explained the importance of marrying a christian girl. This is a common thought whether you are christian, jewish, hindu, muslim..whatever. When we mix, there are certain hardships. For me though, and for many, love speaks louder. I mentioned to my wife, then girl friend, that there was a little tension at home because she was not really a christian. She said "Fine...I'll be a christian....I beleive in God and Jesus anyway." I feel really silly about this, because she was, is and has always been more "christian than I ever was. She has always had the law written on her heart, she just never verbalized it, and never joined a club to display it. Did she know her bible? Not a bit. How the heck did she know how to always behave Godly? Well she started attending church with my family to prove and to allow everyone some spiritual comfort. She said all the words that everyone asked her to say and now she gets to claim she is saved. Now regardless of anything she might do in the future, she is saved. I say this tongue and cheek.

So I brought this innocent dove, full of love and grace, into my organization where she proceeded to witness the most vile and disgusting displays of humanity. Church after church, each displaying the ugly fruits of powerseeking, jealosy, quick to anger and slow to grace. It was once said.....we are christian...we eat our own dead. I began to see the church as some sort of self fulfilling hospital, where we hurt and heal..all in the same place. We create the issue and we resolve the issue...but its never really resolved, because we manipulate it. I went to church with a lady and listened to a sermon about reaching out to community and later that day she was heard telling the little kids to get the fuck off her lawn. On and on it goes...and these are the saved. They were able to say the words with their mouths so everyone could hear, but couldnt say it with their hearts.

I have met new kinds of people. They are the "unsaved". I prefer their company. Meet Andre. Andre will not step foot in a church because they are hypocrites. They say one thing and do another. They profess with their mouths, but not with their hearts. So I asked Andre, would you go to church and he said....I do my own thing. There are a lot of people who just do their own thing. Me, as a christian, always labelled these people as unsaved and in need of salvation. But wait a minute. I have watched Andre and seen what his own thing is. He is compassionate and caring for all, and holds no predjudices. He goes out of his way to help people and to build them up. He selflessly gives of himself, for the sake of others, with no expectation of return in any way. Andre lives the gospel. Andre professes with his heart, not with his mouth. He believes in show me, dont tell me.

I have met so many poeple who just seem to know God. I have found, unfortunately, that most of them are NOT what we would call christian. My neighbour down the road fell on hard times and we didnt see him for a while. I decided to go and see if he was OK and if I  could do anything. There on his coffee table was a bible. I said...oh, I didnt know you were interested. He said "my father told me to read it" I said..I thought you hated your dad. He said I do...my heavenly father told me....and so obediantly he read it. I said what now.....he said, my father told me to read it again, so that is what I am doing. I asked him if he wanted to go to church. He said no ^&%$ing way!!!! and have them steal my saviour from me???? Not in your life. I was sad at that. It caused me to think and yes...repent. Was I to lead this young dove, full of grace, into the lions den?

I no longer ask myself or anyone else if a person is saved. I love everyone with the heart of Christ and now just focus on "being" I reject the word evangelism because of what it implies and chose now to simply be like Jesus. I will not go to the word of God to condemn. I have seen enough. I know that by behaviour, even I should be condemned. I see no reason why God would spare any of us, if it were up to us and the things we do or say. The miracle is that God does offer us forgiveness, and I have come to beleive that this forgiveness may even be independant of our own actions. We may choose to live in our unforgiveness and waste our days away, yet somehow, God will restore.

Scripture can be like a ballooon. Squeeze it here and it bulges there. Squeeze it there and a new bulge appears elsewhere. Some chose to to try to understand and follow, and some just look at the balloon with innocent wonderment.

God, you are beautiful. I wish I could love the way you love. I am trying lord but the words sometimes confuse me. God, please help me to just simply be. Take from me, any tool I use to compare. Take from me, any thought that does not lead to your love. I beleive in you Lord and I just want to live it. I just want to be like you. You told me I am, You set your spirit in me, you have equipped me, but somehow there are still chains of bondage. Protect me, oh Lord from your people, as I begin to go to a new place of worship. Protect me Lord from the black hole of conformity to words and help me to soar like an eagle, only bearing your undying love. Forgive me, for my own shortfalls and as I beleive I am forgiven, help me to truly live. I praise you with all creation. amen